In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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