I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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