Someone shit on the floor
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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