He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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