Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
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You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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