put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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