ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize