Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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