my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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