Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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