She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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