is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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