I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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