Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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