I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
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...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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