Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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