Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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