Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
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i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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