If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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