You really coming over, don't trick.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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