My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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