It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do vagina's smell?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize