dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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