i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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