I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize