the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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