I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize