I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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