I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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