for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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