u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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