I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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