and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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