Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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