soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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