I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize