I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize