from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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