really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize