I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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