He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize