Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize