he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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