I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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