TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize