At least make sure they are 18
Why
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
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Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize