How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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