He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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