It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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