Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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